Archive for September, 2010

05
Sep
10

TIPS 1

Tips on how to respond to anger situations

Step Back and Breathe

Count to ten before you say or do anything and be mindful of your breathing. If you still don’t feel calm, count to ten again…and breathe.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I angry about?
  • What is hurting me?
  • What is going on that is not ok for me?
  • Did this person intend to hurt me?

When possible, remove yourself from the source of the stress and anger

Go for a walk or exercise. Moderate physical activity can be a productive outlet for your emotions. Besides releasing pent-up energy, your general physical feeling will improve.

Avoid emotionally charged and strenuous workouts, they can feed into the anger.

Imagine a calm relaxing scene.

  • Remember a time when you felt at peace.
  • Close your eyes, and travel back there.
  • Allow yourself to be there for a while and feel yourself release.

Empathize with the other person.

  • Try to see the situation from his or her point of view.
  • Remember that there is always more than one way to see anything.

Write in a journal. Keep track of your anger:

  • What did “I” get angry about?
  • What did “I” do or say in response?
  • How did “I” feel, physically and emotionally?

By identifying your sources of anger, you can learn to anticipate and respond to anger situations.

Use “I” statements when talking about the problem or situation instead of criticizing or blaming the other person. “I” am upset that the kitchen didn’t get cleaned after dinner,” instead of “Why is the kitchen still a mess?”, or “You should have cleaned it!”

Stop Brooding or Stewing. “Mind talk” is a major anger signal and one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself.

  • Rage starts when you lose control of your own thoughts or feelings.
  • You can control what you say.
  • Talk to the person you have anger with.
  • Share your feelings with a close friend or family member.
  • Seek professional help by CONTACTING ME

Or other professional

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05
Sep
10

WANT TO READ ABOUT ANGER?

Suggest Reading List

  • A Book About Men
    Bly, Robert. Addison-Wesley, 1990
  • A Circle of Men: (A Manual for Men’s Support Groups).
    Kauth, Bill. St. Martin’s Press, 1992
  • A Little Book on Human Shadow
    Bly, Robert. Harper & Row 1998
  • Emotional Intelligence
    Goleman, Daniel. Bantam Books, 1995
  • Facing Shame: (Families in Recovery)
    Fossom, Merle A,, Mason, Marilyn J. N.P.: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd. 1989
  • From Innocence to Entitlement,: (A Love and Logic Cure for the Tragedy of Entitlement)
    Fay, Jim. Love and Logic Press 2005
  • Getting the Love You Want
    Hendrix, Harville PhD: Hunt Helen LaKelly, PhD
  • Hazards of Being Male
    Goldberg, Herb.: N.P.: Wellness Institute
  • Knights Without Armor: (A Practical Guide for Men in Quest of Masculine Soul)
    Kipnis, Aaron R. Tarcher 1991
  • Receiving Love: (Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself be Loved)
    Hendrix, Harville PhD: Hunt Helen LaKelly, Ph.D.
  • The Four Agreements: (A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom)
    Ruiz, Miguel. Amber-Allen, 1997
  • The Intimate Enemy: (How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage)
    Bach, George Robert & Wyden, Peter.. N.P..Morrow 1969
  • The Myth of Male Power: (Why Men are the Disposable Sex)
    Farrell, Warren. Simon & Shuster 1993
  • The Road Less Traveled
    Peck, Scott M. Simon & Schuster 1993
  • Your Perfect Right: (A Guide to Assertive Living)
    Alberti, Robert E. Impact Publishers 1986
  • When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: (Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy)
    Smith, Manuel J., Dial Press 1975
05
Sep
10

WORKPLACE ANGER SELF-TEST

Workplace Anger Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
At work…

1. Do you feel your boss respects you?
2. Do you respect your boss?
3. Do you feel your boss treats you fairly compared to other employees?
4. Are you free from control issues at work?
5. Do you feel your boss sees you as successful?
6. Do you feel you are adequately trained for your job?
7. Do you feel that you get cooperation on the job?
8. Do you understand new instructions within the given time frame?
9. Do you feel you can ask questions comfortably?
10. Do you get promotions in a timely manner?
11. Do you feel your co-workers, boss, or company treat you fairly?
12. Do you feel respected in your workplace?

Three or more “no” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.

Please visit the tips page for information on dealing with anger problems.

05
Sep
10

CHILDHOOD ANGER SELF-TEST

Childhood Anger Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
As a child…

1. Was it bad or wrong for you to be angry?
2. Did you feel disrespected?
3. Did your parents show disrespect for each other?
4. Did your parents yell or criticise when they were angry?
5. Did your parents withdraw when they got angry?
6. Did you experience rage or violence?
7. Did you feel criticised?
8. Were your parents not listened to?
9. Did you have difficulty getting along with your parents and siblings?
10. Were you judged by your parents?
11. Did you lose a sibling or parent?
12. Did you feel unsafe, physical or emotionally, in your parents’ home?
13. Sid you need to be successful?
14. Did you think anger and rage are the same thing?

As an adult…

15. Do you still think anger and rage is the same thing?
16. Do you still feel hurt by people’s judgment?
17. Are you angry with yourself when you can’t express yourself well?
18. Do you still feel criticised?

Three or more “yes” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.

Please visit the tips page for information on dealing with anger problems.

05
Sep
10

FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP SELF-TEST

Family and Relationships Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
With your friends and family, do you?

1. Act without thinking?
2. Think without acting?
3. Get defensive if somebody gets angry with you?
4. Assume others should act in a certain way?
5. Solve other people’s problems?
6. Need to feel you are successful?
7. Cut yourself off from another person for years at a time?
8. Interrupt others while they are talking?
9. Use sex as a weapon when you are angry?
10. Feel at times like you are a victim?
11. Make the same mistakes over and over again?
12. Usually put others first in your life?
13. Feel treated as if you are incompetent?
14. Hear your parent’s words coming from your mouth when you are stressed?
15. Worry a lot and are unable to stop worrying?
16. Feel it helps to worry?
17. Not know how to relieve your anger?
18. Confuse the difference between shame and guilt?

Three or more “yes” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.