Margaret Hall – Anger Coach
Helping you reach your True Potential
APRIL 2012

Hello, and welcome to your first Newsletter from e-motions.

I like to make my emails useful, informative and enlightening, and if you have any requests or suggestions for future newsletters please email me at :

Best wishes

Anger Control Coaching
Wellbeing and Anger Support Project
Courses and Events
What is Anger
8 Tools of Anger Control
Book of the Month
Stockport User Friendly Forum
Courses and Events

W.A.S.P. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project
Meets on the first and third Mondays monthly at 7.30pm at The Well Being Centre, Chestergate, Stockport, SK1 1LZ. This month there is a change of date, as I am not available on 16th April – there will be a session on Monday 23rd April. As the first Monday in May is a Bank Holiday, there will only be one session in May, Monday 21st. Similarly in June, only one session on Monday 18th. Back to normal on Monday 2nd July.
read more

STUFF Drop-in and Forum for anyone experiencing mental ill health. Drop in every Wednesday from 2-4pm at Stepping Hill Hospital Mental Health Unit. Forum, 2nd Monday of the month – May Forum is on Monday 14th from 7-9pm at The Well Being Centre. Nick Dixon is the speaker – he is the Commissioner for Mental Health and Substance Misuse. Come along and find out about changes happening in Stockport – your chance to have your say.
read more

What is Anger?
We view angry feelings as a normal emotional reaction to frustration in our everyday world. It is natural to become angry when we have a goal and this goal is blocked in some way. Anger isn’t just one emotion, but a family of emotions that are related to each other both in our brains and in our behavior. People often give a variety of names to their angry feelings, which range from mild irritation to rage. … more

Once anger begins, it generates changes in our expressions, our faces, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action. In fact, the purpose of emotions such as anger is to organize and mobilize all of our bodily systems to respond to our environment in some way.
Anger, like all emotions, is regulated by that section of our brain called the limbic system (located in our mid brains beyond our inner ear) Emotional memories are stored in the amygdala and other structures which are located in this limbic system.
You may experience anger now in your life which may actually be caused by a mixture of what is triggering it now and experiences you have had in the past—even if you don’t remember them. This “old anger” is activated by your brain in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present.
It is up to the thinking part of the brain, our frontal lobes, to find a way to deal with the angry feelings the amygdala and other brain structures have set in motion. Fortunately, as thinking human beings we have the unique ability among mammals to have choices regarding how we will deal with our feelings.
Anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Persons who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more occupational success than those who manage their anger poorly. They also get more of their needs met without antagonizing loved ones or colleagues.
Learning to manage anger involves mastering the eight tools of anger control that I have found to be highly effective in my Wellbeing and Anger Support Project. This model of anger management is not therapy and does not dwell on the past or the underlying reasons for anger. Rather, my approach is psycho-educational, skill-building, and practical drawing on recent research and findings in neuroscience, marriage/relationships, stress management, and the emerging science of happiness and optimism.

Eight Tools of Anger Control

Tool 1 – Recognise Stress … more…
Tool 2 – Develop Empathy … more
Tool 3 – Respond Instead of React … more
Tool 4 – Change That Conversation With Yourself … more
Tool 5 – Communicate Assertively … more
Tool 6 – Adjust Expectations … more
Tool 7 – Forgive But Don’t Forget… more
Tool 8 – Retreat and Think Things Over … more

Tool 1 – Recognise Stress
Stress and anger tend to go hand and hand. The higher one’s stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control.

It is a challenge for most of us to manage our stress levels in a complex world with many demands and expectations. Learning stress management techniques us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.
Stress is often the trigger that takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Whether the stressor is external or internal, scientists have discovered that the major systems of the body work together to provide one of the human organism’s most powerful and sophisticated defenses; the stress response which you may know better as “fight-or-flight”. Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies to get it under control.
Tool 2 – Develop Empathy
Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that the customers at the table next to you were speaking louder than anyone else? It was as if they had no idea that they were being so loud and intrusive to the rest of the patrons. This lack of awareness is often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or, have you ever been in a situation where you tried to express your feelings and it backfired in some way?
Some of us are very good at knowing how we feel and expressing it, while others struggle to do so. It is crucial to express emotion in order to relate to those around us. Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called “empathy.”
To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people’s behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.
Tool 3 – Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally “push our buttons”, and we react just like a juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing when you make a selection. Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react like that juke box.
There are many advantages to learning to how be more flexible in dealing with the stresses and frustrations of life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger level going down as their feeling of empowerment goes up.
Tool 4 – Change That Conversation With Yourself
“For some reason whenever I get upset I am always putting myself down” said one woman in a WASP group meeting. “Even my friends tell me I am just too hard on myself”, she said. When I get upset, I will often say things like, “I’m such a loser”, or, “if I don’t make it on time, everyone will think I’m an idiot”, the woman explained. “Sometimes I even tell myself that I am worthless and stupid when I make mistakes.”
A crucial tool in dealing with angry feelings is that of challenging that conversation with yourself. Like the woman described above, you are constantly telling yourself all kinds of things which cause you to have certain feelings or emotions—even though you may not realise it. Learning to change that “self-talk” empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger.
Tool 5 – Communicate Assertively
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.
Anger expressed toward others is often a misguided way of communicating a feeling we have or a need that is not being satisfied by other people or situations. Assertive communication—as distinct from aggressive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it.
Tool 6 – Adjust Expectations
Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get.
Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves. In marriage, research shows that much anger is caused by trying to solve problems which are unsolvable and perpetual. Successful couples learn to live with each other around these issues rather than getting angry about them.
Tool 7 – Forgive But Don’t Forget!
Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender. Holding a grudge is letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to “let go” (while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control.
Tool 8 – Retreat and Think Things Over!
John and Barbara Green* loved each other deeply, but often went into horrific verbal battles over any number of issues. However, they were unable to give each other “space” during an argument insisting they solve the issue immediately. Even worse, Barbara often physically blocked John from leaving and would follow him from room to room demanding discussion. Needless to say, this is a dangerous practice as it can escalate levels of anger even further and cause partners to do and say things they don’t really mean and may later regret!

My Specialities
1. Anger Control Coaching
One-to-one Anger Control Coaching by telephone or face-to-face
for more info … click here

2. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project (W.A.S.P.)
Bi-monthly support group for anyone experiencing issues with anger or aggression.
for more info … click here

3. Counselling
One-to-one Counselling for Anger, Stress, Depression or a wide variety of other issues.
for more info … click here

4. Mental Health Support
Stockport User Friendly Forum (STUFF), peer led mental health organisation, offering weekly Drop-in, monthly Forum, Training, information, signposting and support.
for more info … click here

Each month I will highlight a book about anger. this month I have chosen:
ANGRY ALL THE TIME – An Emergency Guide to Anger Control
by Ronald T. Potter-Efron

(buy it from Amazon here)
A major revision of a best selling classic, this book contains a powerful and straightforward system for taking control of your anger and your life. This programme is not easy, and it might even be painful at times – but it works. The book will teach you how your anger escalates and what you can do to change your angry thoughts and behaviours. Then it’s your turn. When you make and keep that promise to yhourself to stay calm no matter what, the happier, safer life you want will become a possibility.

Special 10% discount for readers of this email only
Call today 0161 487 or 07890 909547 07890 909547 07890 909547
email: margaret@e-motions.org.uk

This message was sent to tomhopkins08@talktalk.net by margaret@e-motions.org.uk

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8 Peel Court, Stockport, Cheshire, SK2 6PX.


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