FEES

Fees for 2013:

Individual: £4.50 per session

Couple: £6.50 per session

NEWSLETTER JUNE

IS ANGER RUINING YOUR LIFE?

 

e-motions Margaret Hall – Anger Coach Helping you reach your True Potential

 

 

JUNE 2012 Hello, and welcome to your June Newsletter from e-motions. I like to make my emails useful, informative and enlightening, and if you have any requests or suggestions for future newsletters please email me at : anger@e-motions.org.uk  Best wishes Margaret Contents: Anger Control Coaching Wellbeing and Anger Support Project Courses and Events Book of the Month Do you recognize Your anger attitude?   Courses and Events W.A.S.P. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project Meets on the first and third Mondays monthly at 7.30pm at The Well Being Centre, Chestergate, Stockport, SK1 1LZ. This month there will only be one session in June session on Monday 18th. In July the Well Being Centre may be closed, and I am currently exploring alternative venues. I will let you know more when this is confirmed. The dates for July are Monday 2nd and Monday 16th. More info … STUFF Drop-in and Forum for anyone experiencing mental ill health. Drop in every Wednesday from 2-4pm at Stepping Hill Hospital Mental Health Unit. Forum, 2nd Monday of the month – June Forum is on Monday 11th from 7-9pm at The Well Being Centre. The subject this month is Physical Health Checks. Telephone 07754 560269 or email stockport_uff@hotmail.com for more information More info …   DO YOU RECOGNISE YOUR ANGER ATTITUDE? Addictive – “I need.” Needing to have something. Addictions can be to alcohol, drugs, work, love, sex, food, pornography etc…. Anything that is a patterned and compulsive behavior might be an addiction. Most, if not all, addictions and a great deal of substance abuse are behaviours intended to medicate anger. Whatever the substance, if it is used is to escape, it is anger related. Patterns of addictions are usually learned. If the addiction creates an altered state, that addiction likely needs to be addressed before the anger can be managed accountably. Aggressive – “You do.” An aggressive person is one who tells others by making “you” statements and telling others about themselves. An aggressive person wants to control, and believes there is no other way. An aggressive person usually approaches issues and needs by making unilateral decisions or giving orders to others. Aggression is a fear of not being in control, distrust of others and a need to exert control. Depressive – “I can’t.” Situational depression is often about feeling powerless. Anger and shame emotions are set loose blaming one’s self for not being able to manage something the way one expects he or she should. Situational depression is often learned, expressing powerlessness, shame and anger. (Managing anger can also be a powerful ally to a chemically depressed person.) Passive – “I don’t want to bother you.” A passive person has learned somewhere to believe he or she is not entitled to “receive”. Often a passive person will feel that if he or she does receive, somebody else might have to do without. Often a passive person has been taught that if he or she asks, it will draw attention that might be embarrassing, hurtful or shaming. Risking is hard for passives. Passive-Aggressive – A Passive-Aggressive person handles issues and deals with needs and wants by “coming in the back door”. A Passive-Aggressive person might ask for something that is different from the “real” want. He or she directs the interaction to accomplish the real want, without it ever being named. Usually this person learned somewhere that being direct is risky and doesn’t work. By intention or by conditioning all of the above attitudes can be manipulative. Shame – The message that there is something wrong with a person or a thing. It is an opinion based on expectations that is projected on others or internalized by oneself. It is an attitude that controls through disrespect, discounting and judgment. It is important to distinguish shame from guilt. Guilt is a legitimate feeling based on a values system, that comes from feeling bad about having done something wrong. Shame, by intention or conditioning, is a manipulative feeling or behaviour. The good news is that you can begin to make some positive changes.       My Specialities 1. Anger Control Coaching One-to-one Anger Control Coaching by telephone or face-to-face for more info … click here 2. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project (W.A.S.P.) Bi-monthly support group for anyone experiencing issues with anger or aggression. for more info … click here 3. Counselling One-to-one Counselling for Anger, Stress, Depression or a wide variety of other issues. for more info … click here 4. Mental Health Support Stockport User Friendly Forum (STUFF), peer led mental health organisation, offering weekly Drop-in, monthly Forum, Training, information, signposting and support. for more info … click here   BOOK OF THE MONTH Each month I will highlight a book about anger. This month I have chosen: Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men – How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life Thomas Harbin   (buy it from Amazon here) Men tend to express their anger differently than women do. Research shows men are often more violent and less willing to confront and deal with their emotions than women. Written by a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of male rage, Beyond Anger shows the angry – and miserable – man how to change his life and relationships for the better. This book helps men understand their anger by explaining what the specific symptoms of chronic anger are and by showing angry men how their actions negatively affect family, friends, and coworkers. It helps men control violent feelings by using simple exercises – developed especially for men – to identify when and why anger occurs and by helping them form new habits to prevent anger before it starts. Women, too, will learn essential strategies for understanding and helping the angry men in their lives. Beyond Anger is honest, tough, and real.       Special 10% discount on one-to-one sessions for readers of this email only Call today 0161 487 1688 or 07890 909547 email:   margaret@e-motions.org.uk

 

 

8 Peel Court, Stockport, Cheshire, SK2 6PX.

 

NEWSLETTER APRIL

IS ANGER RUINING YOUR LIFE?
e-motions
Margaret Hall – Anger Coach
Helping you reach your True Potential
APRIL 2012

Hello, and welcome to your first Newsletter from e-motions.

I like to make my emails useful, informative and enlightening, and if you have any requests or suggestions for future newsletters please email me at :
anger@e-motions.org.uk

Best wishes
Margaret

Contents:
Anger Control Coaching
Wellbeing and Anger Support Project
Courses and Events
What is Anger
8 Tools of Anger Control
Book of the Month
Stockport User Friendly Forum
Courses and Events

W.A.S.P. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project
Meets on the first and third Mondays monthly at 7.30pm at The Well Being Centre, Chestergate, Stockport, SK1 1LZ. This month there is a change of date, as I am not available on 16th April – there will be a session on Monday 23rd April. As the first Monday in May is a Bank Holiday, there will only be one session in May, Monday 21st. Similarly in June, only one session on Monday 18th. Back to normal on Monday 2nd July.
read more

STUFF Drop-in and Forum for anyone experiencing mental ill health. Drop in every Wednesday from 2-4pm at Stepping Hill Hospital Mental Health Unit. Forum, 2nd Monday of the month – May Forum is on Monday 14th from 7-9pm at The Well Being Centre. Nick Dixon is the speaker – he is the Commissioner for Mental Health and Substance Misuse. Come along and find out about changes happening in Stockport – your chance to have your say.
read more

What is Anger?
We view angry feelings as a normal emotional reaction to frustration in our everyday world. It is natural to become angry when we have a goal and this goal is blocked in some way. Anger isn’t just one emotion, but a family of emotions that are related to each other both in our brains and in our behavior. People often give a variety of names to their angry feelings, which range from mild irritation to rage. … more

Once anger begins, it generates changes in our expressions, our faces, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action. In fact, the purpose of emotions such as anger is to organize and mobilize all of our bodily systems to respond to our environment in some way.
Anger, like all emotions, is regulated by that section of our brain called the limbic system (located in our mid brains beyond our inner ear) Emotional memories are stored in the amygdala and other structures which are located in this limbic system.
You may experience anger now in your life which may actually be caused by a mixture of what is triggering it now and experiences you have had in the past—even if you don’t remember them. This “old anger” is activated by your brain in its attempt to protect you even though the original danger is no longer present.
It is up to the thinking part of the brain, our frontal lobes, to find a way to deal with the angry feelings the amygdala and other brain structures have set in motion. Fortunately, as thinking human beings we have the unique ability among mammals to have choices regarding how we will deal with our feelings.
Anger management is about learning how to regulate and express those natural angry feelings in a way that makes you a more effective human being. Persons who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more occupational success than those who manage their anger poorly. They also get more of their needs met without antagonizing loved ones or colleagues.
Learning to manage anger involves mastering the eight tools of anger control that I have found to be highly effective in my Wellbeing and Anger Support Project. This model of anger management is not therapy and does not dwell on the past or the underlying reasons for anger. Rather, my approach is psycho-educational, skill-building, and practical drawing on recent research and findings in neuroscience, marriage/relationships, stress management, and the emerging science of happiness and optimism.

Eight Tools of Anger Control

Tool 1 – Recognise Stress … more…
Tool 2 – Develop Empathy … more
Tool 3 – Respond Instead of React … more
Tool 4 – Change That Conversation With Yourself … more
Tool 5 – Communicate Assertively … more
Tool 6 – Adjust Expectations … more
Tool 7 – Forgive But Don’t Forget… more
Tool 8 – Retreat and Think Things Over … more

Tool 1 – Recognise Stress
Stress and anger tend to go hand and hand. The higher one’s stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control.

It is a challenge for most of us to manage our stress levels in a complex world with many demands and expectations. Learning stress management techniques us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.
Stress is often the trigger that takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Whether the stressor is external or internal, scientists have discovered that the major systems of the body work together to provide one of the human organism’s most powerful and sophisticated defenses; the stress response which you may know better as “fight-or-flight”. Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies to get it under control.
Tool 2 – Develop Empathy
Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed that the customers at the table next to you were speaking louder than anyone else? It was as if they had no idea that they were being so loud and intrusive to the rest of the patrons. This lack of awareness is often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or, have you ever been in a situation where you tried to express your feelings and it backfired in some way?
Some of us are very good at knowing how we feel and expressing it, while others struggle to do so. It is crucial to express emotion in order to relate to those around us. Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called “empathy.”
To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people’s behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.
Tool 3 – Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally “push our buttons”, and we react just like a juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing when you make a selection. Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react like that juke box.
There are many advantages to learning to how be more flexible in dealing with the stresses and frustrations of life. At the top of the list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by other people or circumstances. Many people notice their anger level going down as their feeling of empowerment goes up.
Tool 4 – Change That Conversation With Yourself
“For some reason whenever I get upset I am always putting myself down” said one woman in a WASP group meeting. “Even my friends tell me I am just too hard on myself”, she said. When I get upset, I will often say things like, “I’m such a loser”, or, “if I don’t make it on time, everyone will think I’m an idiot”, the woman explained. “Sometimes I even tell myself that I am worthless and stupid when I make mistakes.”
A crucial tool in dealing with angry feelings is that of challenging that conversation with yourself. Like the woman described above, you are constantly telling yourself all kinds of things which cause you to have certain feelings or emotions—even though you may not realise it. Learning to change that “self-talk” empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger.
Tool 5 – Communicate Assertively
Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.
Anger expressed toward others is often a misguided way of communicating a feeling we have or a need that is not being satisfied by other people or situations. Assertive communication—as distinct from aggressive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it.
Tool 6 – Adjust Expectations
Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get.
Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves. In marriage, research shows that much anger is caused by trying to solve problems which are unsolvable and perpetual. Successful couples learn to live with each other around these issues rather than getting angry about them.
Tool 7 – Forgive But Don’t Forget!
Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender. Holding a grudge is letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to “let go” (while still protecting ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control.
Tool 8 – Retreat and Think Things Over!
John and Barbara Green* loved each other deeply, but often went into horrific verbal battles over any number of issues. However, they were unable to give each other “space” during an argument insisting they solve the issue immediately. Even worse, Barbara often physically blocked John from leaving and would follow him from room to room demanding discussion. Needless to say, this is a dangerous practice as it can escalate levels of anger even further and cause partners to do and say things they don’t really mean and may later regret!

My Specialities
1. Anger Control Coaching
One-to-one Anger Control Coaching by telephone or face-to-face
for more info … click here

2. Wellbeing and Anger Support Project (W.A.S.P.)
Bi-monthly support group for anyone experiencing issues with anger or aggression.
for more info … click here

3. Counselling
One-to-one Counselling for Anger, Stress, Depression or a wide variety of other issues.
for more info … click here

4. Mental Health Support
Stockport User Friendly Forum (STUFF), peer led mental health organisation, offering weekly Drop-in, monthly Forum, Training, information, signposting and support.
for more info … click here

BOOK OF THE MONTH
Each month I will highlight a book about anger. this month I have chosen:
ANGRY ALL THE TIME – An Emergency Guide to Anger Control
by Ronald T. Potter-Efron

(buy it from Amazon here)
A major revision of a best selling classic, this book contains a powerful and straightforward system for taking control of your anger and your life. This programme is not easy, and it might even be painful at times – but it works. The book will teach you how your anger escalates and what you can do to change your angry thoughts and behaviours. Then it’s your turn. When you make and keep that promise to yhourself to stay calm no matter what, the happier, safer life you want will become a possibility.

Special 10% discount for readers of this email only
Call today 0161 487 or 07890 909547 07890 909547 07890 909547
email: margaret@e-motions.org.uk

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8 Peel Court, Stockport, Cheshire, SK2 6PX.

Return to the Well Being Centre

After relocating to Stockport Mind’s Black Lion Building during July, we are now happily back to the Well Being Centre. Thanks for your patience and support during the closure.

TIPS 1

Tips on how to respond to anger situations

Step Back and Breathe

Count to ten before you say or do anything and be mindful of your breathing. If you still don’t feel calm, count to ten again…and breathe.

Ask yourself:

• What am I angry about?
• What is hurting me?
• What is going on that is not ok for me?
• Did this person intend to hurt me?

When possible, remove yourself from the source of the stress and anger

Go for a walk or exercise. Moderate physical activity can be a productive outlet for your emotions. Besides releasing pent-up energy, your general physical feeling will improve.

Avoid emotionally charged and strenuous workouts, they can feed into the anger.

Imagine a calm relaxing scene.

• Remember a time when you felt at peace.
• Close your eyes, and travel back there.
• Allow yourself to be there for a while and feel yourself release.

Empathize with the other person.

• Try to see the situation from his or her point of view.
• Remember that there is always more than one way to see anything.

Write in a journal. Keep track of your anger:

• What did “I” get angry about?
• What did “I” do or say in response?
• How did “I” feel, physically and emotionally?

By identifying your sources of anger, you can learn to anticipate and respond to anger situations.

Use “I” statements when talking about the problem or situation instead of criticizing or blaming the other person. “I” am upset that the kitchen didn’t get cleaned after dinner,” instead of “Why is the kitchen still a mess?”, or “You should have cleaned it!”

Stop Brooding or Stewing. “Mind talk” is a major anger signal and one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself.

• Rage starts when you lose control of your own thoughts or feelings.
• You can control what you say.
• Talk to the person you have anger with.
• Share your feelings with a close friend or family member.
• Seek professional help by CONTACTING ME

Or other professional

WANT TO READ ABOUT ANGER?

Suggest Reading List

• A Book About Men
  Bly, Robert. Addison-Wesley, 1990
• A Circle of Men: (A Manual for Men’s Support Groups).
  Kauth, Bill. St. Martin’s Press, 1992
• A Little Book on Human Shadow
  Bly, Robert. Harper & Row 1998
• Emotional Intelligence
  Goleman, Daniel. Bantam Books, 1995
• Facing Shame: (Families in Recovery)
  Fossom, Merle A,, Mason, Marilyn J. N.P.: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd. 1989
• From Innocence to Entitlement,: (A Love and Logic Cure for the Tragedy of Entitlement)
  Fay, Jim. Love and Logic Press 2005
• Getting the Love You Want
  Hendrix, Harville PhD: Hunt Helen LaKelly, PhD
• Hazards of Being Male
  Goldberg, Herb.: N.P.: Wellness Institute
• Knights Without Armor: (A Practical Guide for Men in Quest of Masculine Soul)
  Kipnis, Aaron R. Tarcher 1991
• Receiving Love: (Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself be Loved)
  Hendrix, Harville PhD: Hunt Helen LaKelly, Ph.D.
• The Four Agreements: (A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom)
  Ruiz, Miguel. Amber-Allen, 1997
• The Intimate Enemy: (How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage)
  Bach, George Robert & Wyden, Peter.. N.P..Morrow 1969
• The Myth of Male Power: (Why Men are the Disposable Sex)
  Farrell, Warren. Simon & Shuster 1993
• The Road Less Traveled
  Peck, Scott M. Simon & Schuster 1993
• Your Perfect Right: (A Guide to Assertive Living)
  Alberti, Robert E. Impact Publishers 1986
• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: (Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy)
  Smith, Manuel J., Dial Press 1975

WORKPLACE ANGER SELF-TEST

Workplace Anger Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
At work…

1. Do you feel your boss respects you?
2. Do you respect your boss?
3. Do you feel your boss treats you fairly compared to other employees?
4. Are you free from control issues at work?
5. Do you feel your boss sees you as successful?
6. Do you feel you are adequately trained for your job?
7. Do you feel that you get cooperation on the job?
8. Do you understand new instructions within the given time frame?
9. Do you feel you can ask questions comfortably?
10. Do you get promotions in a timely manner?
11. Do you feel your co-workers, boss, or company treat you fairly?
12. Do you feel respected in your workplace?

Three or more “no” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.

Please visit the tips page for information on dealing with anger problems.

CHILDHOOD ANGER SELF-TEST

Childhood Anger Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
As a child…

1. Was it bad or wrong for you to be angry?
2. Did you feel disrespected?
3. Did your parents show disrespect for each other?
4. Did your parents yell or criticise when they were angry?
5. Did your parents withdraw when they got angry?
6. Did you experience rage or violence?
7. Did you feel criticised?
8. Were your parents not listened to?
9. Did you have difficulty getting along with your parents and siblings?
10. Were you judged by your parents?
11. Did you lose a sibling or parent?
12. Did you feel unsafe, physical or emotionally, in your parents’ home?
13. Sid you need to be successful?
14. Did you think anger and rage are the same thing?

As an adult…

15. Do you still think anger and rage is the same thing?
16. Do you still feel hurt by people’s judgment?
17. Are you angry with yourself when you can’t express yourself well?
18. Do you still feel criticised?

Three or more “yes” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.

Please visit the tips page for information on dealing with anger problems.

FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP SELF-TEST

Family and Relationships Self-Test

This self-test is intended to help you reflect upon your anger issues in new ways. Don’t think too hard about the answers. There are no right answers. If you aren’t sure, go with your first guess.
With your friends and family, do you?

1. Act without thinking?
2. Think without acting?
3. Get defensive if somebody gets angry with you?
4. Assume others should act in a certain way?
5. Solve other people’s problems?
6. Need to feel you are successful?
7. Cut yourself off from another person for years at a time?
8. Interrupt others while they are talking?
9. Use sex as a weapon when you are angry?
10. Feel at times like you are a victim?
11. Make the same mistakes over and over again?
12. Usually put others first in your life?
13. Feel treated as if you are incompetent?
14. Hear your parent’s words coming from your mouth when you are stressed?
15. Worry a lot and are unable to stop worrying?
16. Feel it helps to worry?
17. Not know how to relieve your anger?
18. Confuse the difference between shame and guilt?

Three or more “yes” answers indicate an anger pattern and you may have an anger problem.

An anger problem is any anger-related behavior (verbal, physical, or emotional) that hurts you or someone else.

Questions and Answers

How do I become a group member?

You simply turn up; there is no appointment or referral necessary. The group is completely confidential and there is no registration process of who attends.

Will I have to tell the group about my experiences?

No. There is no pressure to talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Some group members simply listen to other peoples’ experiences around anger and offer their support. It is the choice of the individual member when they are ready to talk.

Can I just turn up?

Although the group operates on a ‘drop in’ basis, we do ask that where possible members arrive by 7.30pm and stay for the full session in order to avoid disruption and show respect to others who may be talking about difficult situations. However, if you do need to leave earlier than 9pm, please inform the group on arrival.

Tell me more about the group ‘facilitator’

The group is facilitated by Margaret Hall who has personally experienced issues around anger. Margaret is qualified Counsellor and Adult Teacher. She is also an EFT Practitioner, Hypnotherapist, and Life Coach.

I feel quite nervous about coming along for the first time.

It is natural to feel nervous, but please try to be reassured that everyone feels like this initially. The group is friendly and supportive and will offer you a warm welcome. Please remember that everyone in the group has a personal understanding of anger and the issues involved.

Will I have to attend every session?

Not at all. Some people attend the group as and when they need support and some attend regularly. It is the personal choice of the group member when they wish to attend.